Torchwood: Drabbles and Bobbles: Janto Style
by IantojJackh
Summary: Series of unrelated one-shots. Lots of randomness and hilarity only Jack and Ianto could bring. Prompts usually come from the LJ communities: tw100 or comment-fic.
1. Shapeshifter

Title: Things Are Not Always What They Seem

Spoilers: none

Rating: T+ for some nudity

Notes: written for comment_fic prompt at LJ. Details are at the bottom

* * *

Jack closed his eyes as soon as he walked into his office, not expecting to see the image before him. He might have thought about once on her first day or a second time during firearms training, but it had not crossed his mind in years.

"What the hell, Gwen?" Jack put his hands over his eyes just in case the male instincts took over and he dared to take another look. He did not want the see the naked woman as she ran her hands over her pale skin in front of the mirror. The immortal definitely did not want to think of the Welshwoman examining breasts as if they were a new toy to play with.

What Jack heard next was unexpected to say the least. "Sorry, sir. Won't happen again," there was the distinct **male **Welsh voice that was like music to his ears.

"What?" Jack opened his eyes in time to see a bare backside he was used to seeing. Either he had too much to drink or Ianto was keeping secrets again. The Captain convinced himself it was the later because it would take way too much drink to cause that kind of hallucination.

When Jack finally regained his senses which took much longer than expected and caught up with Ianto, he had retreated to the visitor's centre and was assisting an elderly couple. "What was that?" he hissed into Ianto's ear.

"Excuse me," Ianto said to the couple, trying to remain calm as possible. "My boss is a little impatient."

He stepped several feet from the geriatric duo, "It seems like Owen's so-called singularity scalpel does more than he first thought." Ianto returned to the couple, leaving Jack to fill in the blanks on his own. If he didn't get it, Ianto would be glad to show Jack later his ability to shape shift.

Ianto felt Jack's eyes burning a hole in the back of his head and turned to see what he wanted. With the slight tilt to his lover's head, Ianto knew he was asking Why Gwen? As a response Ianto cupped his hands in front of his chest, making the motion of breasts.

Jack shrugged his shoulders, understanding what Ianto was saying but the reason was lost on him.

"It's been a while," Jack missed the sly grin on Ianto's face as he finished helping the couple.  
_  
_

* * *

**End a/n**: The prompt was if Ianto was a shape shifter.


	2. Body Swap

**Title: **Body Swap Shenanigans**  
****Rating: **PG******  
****Notes: **Written for comment_fic prompt about Jack/Ianto body swap shenanigans.**************  
****Spoilers: **none******************  
****Warnings: **None, but I might warn not to eat or drink while reading. I might expand this a later point

* * *

Gwen felt like she was walking into the Twilight Zone when she entered the hub. Jack was making coffee and Ianto had his feet up on her desk, eating a biscuit and making no effort to hide that he was undressing Jack with his eyes.

"Morning?" Gwen asked, wondering if this more of their shenanigans. Role reversal was a new one and she raised an eyebrow at the matching grumbles she received from her greeting.

"Is everything all right?" Gwen looked between the men.

"Why would anything be wrong?" Ianto replied cheekily. "Thank you, Jack," the tone was too cheery to be normal Ianto as he took the full mug. "What the hell?" Ianto spat out the hot liquid. "Decaf? That is so wrong."

Jack rolled his eyes and gave a stern glare.

"Okay, you two have been spending too much time together," Gwen laughed. "Or is this a new game you are playing?"

"Naked hide and seek..."

"Went wrong."

"Very wrong."

"Just a little."

"You call this a little?"

"Come back to Earth and not Ianto and Jack's World. What are you two going on about?" Gwen looked for answers and neither was talking. "Jack?" she asked pointedly.

Jack pointed behind where Gwen was standing.

"Over here," the voice came from Ianto's body.

"You're kidding me?" Gwen had to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

"Does it look like we are joking?"

"Was fun for the first hour or two."

"Then it got a little creepy."


	3. Why the Welsh Should Stay Out of the Sun

**Author**: DaletheChu/iantojjackh

**Title**: Why the Welsh Need to Stay Out of the Sun

**Rating**: PG

**Characters**: Ianto/Owen

**Notes**: Written for tw100 challenge 242- "sun"

**Summary:** Too much fun in the sun?

* * *

Every movement was sheer agony and every inch of his skin resembled the hue of a tomato. YES, EVERY INCH. "Red is not my colour any more." Ianto grumbled, dreaming of a cool bath infused with aloe.

"Ianto the red-bodied tea-boy had a very shiny bum. And if you ever saw it you would even say it glows. All of the other Torchwooders used to laugh and call him names," Owen sung as he applied aloe to Ianto's sunburned skin.

"Do you want to sing in falsetto?"

"What were you doing on top of the Millennium Centre anyway?"


	4. World's Always Ending

_**Title: **_World's Always Ending

_**Author:** _DaletheChu-IantojJackh (yes, I changed my pen name to include my Penname over at LJ_  
_**  
**_**Rating: **_PG  
_**Characters: **_Jack

**Warning: **fair bit of angst. Note to self don't write when having bad day or you get angst

**Notes**: Was written for the tw100 challenge Henny Penny (as in the sky is falling/world coming to an end)

* * *

_World's always ending._

There was a sadness in his eyes when the words were spoken even if he hadn't meant there to be. Looking for a shag that we both desperately needed, but the beans got in the way.

Little did we know the world would end the very next day. Not on a mass scale, but our world. Our story reached its final chapter.

I lost my heart when Ianto died and I lost my soul sacrificing Steven.

The world's ended. No pain. No joy. There's nothing.

_World's always ending_. Words from an angel. My angel. My salvation gone.


	5. Dreams of the Captain

**A/n: **Written for the prompt Torchwood, any, fairy tale at comment fic on LJ. Please read and review.

* * *

**Dreams of the Captain**

Jack dismounted his horse and put his hands upon his hips and loudly proclaimed, "I'm here to wake handsome prince Ianto from his slumber at the hands of Queen Toshiko. Who will show me the way?"

"I'll show you the way." Peasant Owen stepped from the crowd and offered his services.

The two walked for an hour until they came to a small clearing. "The prince awaits," the small man bowed and disappeared.

"Tis time to awaken." Jack knelt down and kissed the sleeping prince.

"Oi, Jack. Getoff," Ianto pushed the older man off him. "Not the Snow White dream again? That's the third time this week."


	6. Chimes at Midnight

**Author: **DaletheChu-IantojJackh  
**Title: **Chimes at Midnight  
**Rating: **G  
**Characters: **Ianto/Jack  
**Notes: **Written for Tw100: challenge 244- Reverse Fandom: Beauty and the Beast (season 3, episode 9).  
**Summary: **An old Boeshane tradition. The piece is quite fluffy.

* * *

Chimes at midnight. An old Boeshane wedding tradition. The couple rings a set of chimes made of shells collected from the shoreline on the midnight before their wedding. Since it was impossible to get Boeshane shells, ones from Penarth Seafront had to do.

Jack intertwined his fingers with Ianto's as they reached for the central clapper. Their eyes locked, reflecting the deep unshakable love for each other.

The beautiful music created by the chimes made Jack tear up. For this was the first time he partook in this ritual. It was never right until a certain Welshman stole his heart.


	7. My Way

**Title: **My Way  
**Warnings: **mentions of suicide  
**Rating: **PG  
**Characters: **Jack/Ianto  
**Summary: **Ianto always does things Jack's way, one time he wants something his way.  
**Notes: **It's three sentence fic day at **comment_fic** and this again comes from a prompt from the brilliant mind of **classics_lover**, master of my plot bunnies. How much emotional wallop can I pack in three sentences? Find out for yourself.

* * *

**My Way**

"Stop being selfish, Jack," Ianto bit his lip to keep tears from falling, unable to fathom why his long time lover could not abide by his request as he had done so many times for him.

"I'm not going to help you kill yourself, Ianto because it's not something I can ever do," Jack had his own unshed tears threatening to fall, his shaking hands hidden in the pockets of his coat.

"I thought you loved me...it hurts so much and I don't know how much longer I can take this," the tears started to fall and could not stop once the dam burst and as for the pain it slowly began to ebb when the lover's lips met, a faint trace of a golden light passing between them.


	8. Beautiful Welsh Vowels

**Title: **Beautiful Welsh Vowels  
**Author: ****iantojjackh**  
**Rating: ** PG  
**Spoilers: **none  
**Pairing: **Jack/Ianto  
**Warnings: ** Do naked men in bed count?  
**Notes: **Another creation from **comment_fic** the prompt being, _You can't just string vowels together and expect me to understand you_

* * *

**Beautiful Welsh Vowels**

"Ianto, what are you trying to say?" Jack asked as the unintelligible murmurs reached his ear. Between being wrapped in the arms of his younger lover, naked bodies molded together, he was not sure if it was the desire playing tricks on his hearing.

Then the nonsensical ramblings continued and Jack grew concerned. "You can't just string vowels together and expect me to understand you." He played the distress off as a joke and tried to remain calm.

Ianto smiled and started to laugh before placing a kiss on the back of Jack's neck.

"Okay, what gives?" he was now worried about the sanity of the man he was in bed with.

"I'm only giving you what you asked for, Jack. You said you wanted to hear my beautiful Welsh vowels. Ask and you shall receive, my love." Ianto made sure to draw out each vowel for maximum effect, knowing the effect they had on especially in such close proximity.

"Cheeky bugger." Jack rolled his eyes and turned to face Ianto, rewarding him with a steamy kiss.

**The end  
**


	9. 3 Micro Fics

**Title**: 3 Twitter Length Fics (140 characters)  
**Author**: **iantojjackh**  
**Rating**: PG  
**Spoilers**: None  
**Pairing**: Jack/Ianto  
**Notes**: Today's theme at comment-fic on LJ was 140 character stories. First prompt was hug, second was short and sweet and third was weep  
**Warnings**: 2 are fluffyish and 1 sad w/ character death

* * *

**First up; prompt was: Torchwood, any, hug**

It all started with a hug that lasted a second too long. Then came a kiss on the cheek and soon on the lips. Two souls were bound for eternity**.**

* * *

**Second prompt: Torchwood, Jack/Ianto, short and sweet**

A gentle squeeze of the hand. A small reassuring smile. The world is crumbling around them. A quick peck on the lips and everything is okay.

* * *

**Third prompt: Any, any, weep**

His body lays there on the cold floor so pale and devoid of life. Heaven gained another angel. All Jack could do was weep for the loss of his.


	10. Though Lovers Be Lost

**Title**: Though Lovers Be Lost  
**Author:** **iantojjackh**  
**Rating: **PG  
**Characters: **Ianto/Jack  
**Notes: **Written for **tw100** challenge 244- Reverse Fandom: Beauty and the Beast (season 3, episode 1&2). Keeping this to 100 words was difficult.  
**Summary: **Don't let the title fool you. This is not nearly as sad as it sounds.

* * *

**Though Lovers Be Lost**

"How could we be lost?" Ianto shivered as he glared at Jack. Not only was the couple lost, but their clothes went missing too.

Jack tapped his malfunctioning vortex manipulator. "We should have come across the camp by now. We aren't lost. I just temporarily don't know where we are."

Ianto rolled his eyes. _'How's that not lost?' _

"Come here." Jack pulled a freezing Ianto toward him. "Better?"

Ianto nodded, leaning into his lover for warmth.

A rustle from the bushes startled them. "One of your spooky-dos?" Andy asked with an amused smirk.

The couple exchanged a knowing smirk. "Shenanigans."


	11. Texts From Last Night

**Title: **Texts From Last Night  
**Author: ****iantojjackh**  
**Pairing: **Jack/Ianto  
**Rating: **PG  
**Warnings/Spoilers: ** none  
**Summary: **A stray text message leads to a big revelation  
**Notes: **Another prompt from **comment_fic**. Today's theme is Texts from Last Night and the prompt was _Do us both a favour and come rip my clothes off._

* * *

**Texts From Last Night**

**Jack**: Do us both a favour and come rip my clothes off.

**Tosh**: Umm... Jack. I don't think this was meant to be sent to me.

**Jack**: Shit, Tosh. I'm so sorry. This never happened. Tell no one. You can have the mornings off all next week.

**Tosh**: I forwarded the message to who I hope was the intended recipient.

Jack jumped when he heard laughter coming from the kitchen area of the hub. It was soon followed by footfalls on the stairs.

"Care to explain this?" Ianto asked, his voice and face not showing any hint of what he was thinking or feeling.

Jack started to blush and he never blushes. His secret was about to be found out. "I can explain. That text was meant for you. **I PROMISE**."

"Really?" Ianto let an amused smirk cross his stern face. "Explain away. I is nowhere near T in the alphabet." The smirk quickly twisted into anger as he was hit a realization. "Please don't tell me you have me as tea-boy in your contacts." It was scary how Ianto could flip from playful to down right scary in a second.

"No," Jack quirked a slight smile. "There are other words that begin with T that describe you." The suddenly nervous captain held out his mobile, he was always better at showing what he felt than saying it.

Ianto quickly grabbed the phone from its owner and looked it over until he found what he was looking for. Only then did the anger melt away. "You can't say it, but you put that as my contact name," Ianto's face could easily light up the darkest tunnels of the hub. "What am I going to do with you, Jack?" he placed the mobile on the desk and pushed Jack's chair back just enough so he could straddle the man's lap.

"I'm hoping for what I said in that text," Jack whispered as his lips ghosted Ianto's inviting lips.

"That can certainly be arranged." Ianto closed the minute distance between their lips. "True love, huh?" he broke the kiss for a brief second.

"You are one of a kind, Ianto Jones."


	12. Olympic Sport

**Title**: A New Olympic Sport  
**Author: ************iantojjackh**  
**Pairing: **Jack/Ianto  
**Rating: **PG-13  
**Summary: **Jack has an idea for a new Olympic event and Ianto has an easy solution  
**Spoilers**: None  
**Notes: **Written for ******tw100 **Challenge 245: Olympics

* * *

**A New Olympic Sport**

"No, Jack. I don't think they'd go for that." Ianto sighed, rolling his eyes at his sexy but sometimes immature lover.

"Naked hide and seek should be an Olympic event." Jack countered, refusing to give up. "Spoilsport." Immaturity won out when Jack stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry. "In ancient Greece they used to compete naked. I say bring back the old times."

"If you are set on having millions of people seeing you starkers, I suggest streaking one of the football games at the stadium. I think a match starts in an hour."

"Is that a dare?"


	13. Two One Sentence Fics

**Title**: Desire that Never Dies  
**Prompt**: any, any, a fire I can't put out. It's one sentence fic day at **comment_fic**

And of course I put it to Jack/Ianto

Three years had passed since the couple parted and the first moment they locked eyes after the long seperation it was clear the burning desire between the two had never been squelched...soon clothes and inhibitions where tossed aside like no time had passed.

* * *

**Title: **The Hand in the Jar  
**Prompt**: Jack/Ianto, the hand in the jar

"Yes, I keep the hands of former lovers who have dared to leave me in jars," Jack tried to sound convincing, but knew he failed when his neck came under attack by a talented pair of Welsh lips.


	14. Glittery Smile

**Title: **Glittery Smile  
**Author: ****iantojjackh**  
Pairing: Jack/Ianto  
**Summary: **The truth behind the smile  
**Rating:** G  
**Notes:** Written for **tw100**challenge #246 "All that Glitters"  
**Warnings:** Fluffy-Angst if that is possible. I needed a break from the hard angst of the other story I've got going.

* * *

**Glittery Smile**

Only one knows the pain behind the false glittery smile. Jack lets everyone believe that everything is okay and nothing bothers him, but that is far from the truth.

He tells Ianto the stories of pain, loss, deceit, lies, manipulation, being taken advantage of and torture. The stories usually sent most running as far as they can, but Ianto just holds him and lets Jack tell his story. There's no judgment or look of disapproval.

Ianto presses a loving kiss to his forehead and that's when the real smile emerges and Jack knows he doesn't need to hide or pretend.


	15. Roleplaying

**Title: **Roleplaying

**Author:** **iantojjackh**  
**Rating: **PG  
**Characters/Pairing: **Jack/Ianto and Owen  
**Summary: **Owen walks in on the boys during a roleplay session  
**Spoilers:** None  
**Warnings:** They are roleplaying...enough said.  
**Notes:** Written for **tw100**challenge 247: Sleeping Beauty. If I didn't do a cheesy fairy tale piece recently (chapter 5 of these drabbles) , this would have been cheesy. Instead you get this. Not sure what it Is.

* * *

**Roleplaying**

There were certain things that once seen cannot be unseen. No amount of alcohol would be able to wipe the image that was now forever ingrained into Owen's mind.

Jack was on the autopsy table in a long flowing white dress and long blonde wig. There were high heels involved too.

Ianto was dressed in black tights with a codpiece and a shirt so tight it looked painted on.

The next images Owen saw were too disturbing to describe, but if words had to be chosen the best description would be… there aren't words.

Sleeping Beauty would never be the same.


	16. Remembering Drunken Nights

**Title: **Remembering Drunken Nights  
**Author: **IantojJackh  
**Rating: **PG  
**Summary: "**Oh, like you're so high and mighty that you never passed out naked on the lawn."  
**Characters: **Ianto and Owen  
**Notes: **Yesterday was Hungover Owls day at ******comment_fic** and this prompt was from ******tardisjournal** and the prompt is above in the summary.

* * *

**Remembering Drunken Nights**

"Oh, like you're so high and mighty that you never passed out naked on the lawn." Owen sneered as Ianto rolled his eyes.

"I did not say that. There is a difference when you do it when you are thirty-one." Ianto clarified, slowing his speech as if he was talking to a child in an overly condescending manner.

"You woke up on Gwen and Rhys' lawn cuddling two lawn gnomes with a decorative Halloween flag wrapped around your waist. This happened LAST WEEK!" Ianto reminded the defensive man. It didn't seem the right time to mention that the five minute reenactment Owen did of the Lion King with the gnomes was quite a hit on YouTube.

"So are you saying that, you, mister straight-laced prim and proper got so shit faced that he woke somewhere naked as a robin?' Owen found that hard to believe. There was no way that Ianto would ever do something so scandalous.

"Several times, in fact. However, I was still a teenager. Not a gown up, old pervy man." Ianto taunted. "There was the time I stripped and passed out in the frozen food section of a Tesco or I spent the night floating in an inner tube in a swimming pool."

"You're lying," Owen shook his head, figuring the tea-boy was trying to one up him.

"Believe what you want. That was nothing compared to what some of the others I grew up with in my estate did. It's the circle of life, Owen." Ianto shrugged as he walked away whistling _Circle of Life._


	17. Pied Piper of Torchwood

**Title**: Pied Piper of Torchwood

**Author**: **iantojjackh**

**Summary**: Three baby pteranodons

**Rating**: PG

**Characters**: Ianto, Jack, Gwen and three little baby reptiles

**Notes**: Written for **tw100** Challenge 248: Pied Piper.

* * *

**Pied Piper of Torchwood**

The three baby pteranodons followed Ianto wherever he went in the hub. Not yet able to fly properly, they toddled around sometimes getting underfoot.

Ianto had to draw the line at them following him into Jack office. Being startled by a loud squawk when you have your mouth around someone's cock really hurts both parties. Ianto did not know how to explain his black eye and Jack could not explain his funny walk.

"Why are they so attached to him?" Gwen asked.

"Alluring voice. It's like mana to them and me. They'd follow him off a cliff to their deaths."


	18. Jack's Beanstalk

**Title: **Jack's Beanstalk

**Author**: **iantojjackh**  
**Summary**: Innuendos and silliness abound  
**Rating: **PG for mild suggestive theme  
**Pairing: ** Jack/Ianto  
**Notes: **Written for tw100 Challenge 249: Jack and the Beanstalk...Oh, yes I went there

* * *

**Jack's Beanstalk**

"No, Jack. I'm not going to say it." Ianto shook his head at the absurdity of statement Jack wanted him to repeat.

"I don't think you're in a position to say no." Jack grinned as he looked down at the man pinned under him, threatening the most heinous form of torture: tickling.

"Or what?" Ianto challenged. "You're going to tickle me to death? I'd like to see you try."

And Jack did just that or he tried until they rolled off the bed, Jack getting pinned under Ianto.

All because Ianto wouldn't say: _'I want to climb your beanstalk, Jack!'_


	19. Boys Will Be Boys

**Title:** Boys Will Be Boys  
**Author: ****iantojjackh**  
**Summary: **We've got something for you to climb...and that is not an innuendo.  
**Rating: **PG for some shenanigans  
**Characters: **Ianto and Owen w/ mention of Jack  
**Notes: **Written for **tw100** Challenge 249: Jack and the Beanstalk

* * *

**Boys Will Be Boys**

Ianto and Owen sat at the base of the water tower, giggling like fiends with an empty bottle of vodka between them.

"It's a masterpiece," Owen gestured toward the creation him and his fellow inebriated teammate had made.

"It's beautiful," Ianto wiped a fake tear from his eye.

Both men admired their handiwork with a satisfied sigh. The tower was decorated with a glittery vine wrap from top to bottom so that it closely resembled a beanstalk.

Owen held the ear piece between him and Ianto. Both slurred greatly, "Jackkkkkkk, we've got something for you to climb."

Cue more giggling.


	20. Whispering Sweet Nothings

**Title**: Whispering Sweet Nothings  
**Author**: **iantojjackh**  
**Summary**: Singing a lullaby  
**Rating**: G  
**Pairing: **Jack/Ianto  
**Warnings: **Does excessive fluff need a warning?  
**Notes**: Written for **tw100**: Challenge 250: Blue Moon. Also, I don't own the song. Jack just borrowed some of the words.

* * *

**Whispering Sweet Nothings**

"You heard me saying a prayer for someone I really could care for." Jack sung the lyrics to the sleeping man in his arms as they played on the record whose music gently filled Ianto's living room.

"The only one my arms will ever hold." Jack sung one more line.

Ianto lightly stirred his his sleep as Jack's breath tickled his neck. "Shhh! Sleep," he lightly grumbled, turning over and nuzzling into Jack's shoulder.

"Blue Moon, now I'm no longer alone." Jack watched as Ianto murmured incoherently in his sleep. This was his favourite time of night: singing to Ianto.


	21. That's Harassment

**Title:** That's Harassment  
**Author: **Iantojjackh  
**Rating: **G (for Jack and Ianto)  
**Characters: **Jack/Ianto  
**Spoilers: **Takes place before Cyberwoman  
**Summary: **You're a prehistoric creature  
**Notes: **Written for **tw100** challenge 251: Prehistoric Creatures

* * *

**That's Harassment**

"Happy Birthday, sir!" Ianto placed the chocolate cupcake in front of the bemused captain.

"How'd you know?" A smile twitched at the corner of Jack's lips.

"I know everything."

The too sure tone made Jack laugh. "If you know everything, then how old am I?"

Ianto gave a cocky grin. "That's an answer even you don't know, but if I'd hazard a guess, I'd say older than dirt. You're a prehistoric creature," he said in a teasing, but highly amused tone.

"I'll give you prehistoric." Jack looked mildly offended and quickly pinned Ianto between him and the desk.

"That's harassment."


	22. Untitled Drabble

When I should be writing fluff for cotton-candy bingo this little gem popped into my brain from the prompt by **classics_lover** over at **comment_fic** . The prompt being -"Well, we're officially lost. I *told* you the SatNav was affected by that Rift interference. We are officially lost. What do we do? ... You can't possibly want to have sex _**here**_..."

* * *

**Coffin Style**

"Yes, here!" Ianto said matter-of-factly.

"This is a funeral home and the only accommodating surface is a casket," Jack said his grin faltering. He had done some kinky stuff in his time, but this was over the line.

The frisky Welshman shrugged as he nudged his new husband toward the open casket. "Let's have a little fun. Let's consummate this marriage."

Jack gulped as the back of his knees hit the casket. "NO COFFIN SEX!" He yelled, trying to push the amorous man off him.

* * *

"Huh? What?" Jack was jolted awake after being smacked in the face with a paper map.

"Do I even want to know why you were dreaming of coffin sex?" Ianto took his eyes off the road for a split second to roll his eyes. "I'm not letting you anywhere near a coffin."

"Hmm," Jack mumbled as he settled back into a comfortable position. "It was your idea anyway." Soon Jack drifted back to sleep.


	23. Harvest Time

**Title:** Harvest Time  
**Author: ****iantojjackh**  
Summary: You're here to do what?  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Characters: **Owen  
**Notes**: Originally written for **tw100** challenge 252: Harvest, but this ran past the 100 words and I couldn't cut more than I already did.

* * *

**Harvest Time**

Owen stared at the UNIT doctor like he had a million heads. "You're here to do what?" His voice rose several octaves.

"I'm here to harvest the organs of Dr. Owen Harper."

"Well you can't have them. He's me and I'm very alive. No one is harvesting anything from me." Owen became flustered.

The UNIT doctor wouldn't take no for an answer. "But I have a death certificate signed by Dr. Martha Jones and an organ retrieval form by Captain Jack Harkness."

"Let me see that," Owen looked at the documentation and scowled, knowing everything was obviously forged. "Bloody tea-boy!"

Hours later Owen found Ianto with his feet up on Jack's desk, wearing a red UNIT cap. "You like the gift Martha sent?" he asked with a wicked grin.


	24. Grey Harvest

**Title**: The Grey Harvest

**Author**: **iantojjackh**

**Rating**: PG

**Characters**: Jack and Ianto

**Summary**: It's a fate worse than death...at least in Jack's mind.

**Notes**: Written for **tw100** Challenge 252: Harvest

* * *

**The Grey Harvest**

"What are you doing?" Ianto asked as he walked into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Harvesting the grey hairs," Jack replied simply as he stood in front of the mirror, scrounging for any hairs he might have missed.

Ianto rolled his eyes, "I thought you don't get greys."

"I do. This year I found five and the year before four and so on!" Jack was clearly disturbed by the horror befalling him.

The Welshman raised an eyebrow, "Is that the only place you have them?"

"I don't know you were down there yesterday. Did'ya see any?"

**The end!**


	25. You Don't Always Have to Move Mountains

**Title: **You Don't Always Have to Move Mountains  
**Author**: **iantojjackh**  
**Summary: **Jack would move mountains for Ianto  
**Characters**: Jack/Ianto  
**Rating**:G  
**Notes: **Written for **tw100** challenge 253: Moving Mountains

* * *

**You Don't Always Have to Move Mountains **

Once he saw it worked with Rex, Jack knew he had to try it. It didn't matter two years passed. The body was on ice, preserved in pristine condition.

Jack would do anything to have Ianto back, but was impossible until now. He would have moved mountains if he could, but this was much easier. Now he had to pray it worked.

He sat for days keeping vigil and transfusing more of his blood into to the body that looked less pale with each passing day.

Finally, after a week Jack heard the gasp of breath he had longed for.

"Welcome back!"


	26. Boeshane Harvest

**Title: **Boeshane Harvest  
**Author**: **iantojjackh**  
**Summary**: Life is not easy on the peninsula  
**Characters**: ?  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Notes**: Another installment for **tw100**challenge 252: Harvest.

* * *

**Boeshane Harvest**

The screeching that pierces through the air silences the laughter of the children that call the Boeshane Peninsula home. Everyone scatters to escape the long talons that picks their prey up like plucking a hair from its root.

It's harvest time for the creatures that have a name too horrific to speak aloud. How many will they take this time? They pick indiscriminately. Old, young. Male, female. In the end they are just playthings. Some break easily and others put up a fight. They blame those who do not get picked.

One voice mutters through the pain. "He let go!"


	27. Mount-ain Man

**Title**: Mount-ain Man  
**Author**: **iantojjackh**  
**Summary**: Owen wakes to find someone on top of him, fast asleep.  
**Characters**: Owen and ?  
**Rating**: R  
**Notes**: Written for **tw100** challenge 253: Moving Mountains. Thanks to **tardisjournal** for the quick look and saying its not too wicked to post. i apologize in advance for the evilness of this piece. My brain is overworked and there will eventually be a follow up for this.

* * *

**Mount-ain Man**

Owen slowly woke to find someone asleep on top of him. A very naked someone. A very male someone if the semi-hard cock digging into his hip was any indication.

The last few hours were a blur and the stench of sex hung in the air. Owen couldn't move the man who suddenly felt heavy as a mountain off.

The medic cursed when a mobile that was not his rang from the floor. He groaned when he saw from the display it was Jack.

Owen knew he was dead. Jack did not like to share his toys, especially Ianto.


	28. Luck Be a Lady

**Title: **Luck Be a Lady  
**Author: ****iantojjackh**  
**Summary: ** He remembered it being an odd song to being played at a pub.  
**Characters: **Ianto and Owen  
**Rating: **PG  
**Notes**:Written for **tw100** challenge 254: Lady Luck. I was trying for a follow-up to last week's Mount-ain Man, instead this is a prequel of sorts. Blame any incoherence, insanity or errors on the fact I did this when I first woke up.

* * *

**Luck Be a Lady**

The last song Ianto remembered playing before the alcohol took over was 'Luck Be a Lady' sung by Frank Sinatra. He remembered it being an odd song to being played at a pub, but Lady Luck was not what bought him here tonight. It was his insensitive and thoughtless partner who had that distinction.

"Come on tea-boy loosen up a bit. Have a little fun. You know what that is right?" Owen prodded several drinks later.

"I can show you fun!" Ianto cackled like he had something wicked planned.

Owen then experienced the most toe-curling kiss ever. Evil tea-boy wins.


	29. Luck Runs Out?

**Title: **Luck Runs Out?  
**Author: ****iantojjackh**  
**Rating: **PG  
**Characters/Pairing: **Owen and Ianto, mentions of Jack/Ianto pairing  
**Summary: ** It's Hub Wars. Owen gets Ianto back for wanting to harvest his organs  
**Notes: **Written for **tw100** challenge 254: Lady Luck. Also thanks to **tardisjournal** for the shout-out in her last piece as it sparked me to write a continuation of Hub Wars.

* * *

**Luck Runs Out?**

Owen smirked as he tapped the clipboard against the railing, watching Ianto wring his hands waiting for the results. The organ harvesting prank was still fresh in his mind. Owen thought long and hard about payback and when Ianto started complaining about flank pain and burning with urination the perfect payback came like an epiphany.

"Looks like your luck with Jack ran out. Perhaps he's not faithful like he claims. You tested positive for two STDs."

The look of horror and anguish on Ianto's was priceless. Was Jack faithful? For the first time in his long life. The real problem: kidney stones.

**To be continued?**


	30. Sinking Rat

**Title**: Sinking Rat aka Hub Wars: The Early Years

**Author**: **iantojjackh**

**Summary**: Can rats swim?

**Characters**: Ianto and Owen

**Rating**: PG for mild swearing

**Warnings/Spoilers**: None unless you count Hub Wars instalments.

**Notes**: Written for **tw100** Challenge 255: Sink or Swim. This is another instalment into Hub Wars, but not a sequel for last week's piece. Call this an early prank when it was still harmless fun.

* * *

**Sinking Rat**

Ianto floated by naked as he watched Owen struggle to stay on the deflating raft.

The laughter of the Welshman drove Owen crazy, pissed Ianto refused to help.

"It's sink or swim, Owen. Didn't your mum teach you to swim? Rats can't swim? Here's some cheese for you," Ianto pulled out a chunk of swiss cheese from under the water.

"Bloody help, you fucking wanker!" The desperation grew as the raft cocooned Owen, dragging him under.

Owen shrieked as he woke up to water being poured down his back from a watering can.

"Wakey, wakey sleepy head," Ianto taunted maniacally.


	31. Will it Float?

**Title**: Will it Float?

**Author**: **iantojjackh**

**Pairing**: Jack/Ianto

**Summary**: It's a cold night in a cold pool.

**Rating**: R. It's pretty mild by Janto standards.

**Notes**: written for **tw100**: Sink or Swim challenge. Either blame my sleep deprived brain or the bad influences two of my coworkers have on me. Not sure if I should post this to the comms as its a bit on the silly side. Plus, it was hard to trim down to 100 words. *curses word limits*

* * *

**_Will it Float?_**

"Will it sink or float?" Jack sat on the edge of the pool, pulling at the band of his tight swim-shorts and looked down.

Ianto swam up, placing his hands on Jack's legs and peeked into the shorts. "With the water this cold, I reckon shrinkage." With a satisfied grin he pushed off and swam away.

"Hey," Jack was offended. "I don't shrink," the pouting couldn't be resisted.

Ianto pulled Jack in for a x-rated kiss, snaking his hands around Jack's waist and pulling him close.

"See no shrinkage and it floats," Jack whispered as his erection pressed against Ianto's.


	32. Lesson Learned?

**Title**: Lesson Learned  
**Author**: **iantojjackh**  
**Rating**: R  
**Characters**: Jack, Ianto and Owen  
**Summary**: Jack joins in Hub Wars. Does this put an end to the games?  
**Warning**: Hub Wars Extreme!  
**Notes**: written for **tw100** Challenge 256: Freaky Friday. When I saw this week's prompt I knew this is the direction Hub Wars had to take. Sorry in advance

* * *

_**Lesson Learned?**_

"You both are dead!" Owen stood at the door, his mouth floundering to find the appropriate level of disgust for this latest stunt.

"It's weird hearing him say that in your body," Ianto turned to Jack in Owen's body.

"I know you two did this twice while I was away," Jack said flippantly as he slid his hand down his body, cupping the modest sized penis. "A bit smaller than mine, but it served its purpose."

"Hey, stop touching that! It doesn't belong to you. Why'd you join in tea-boys twisted game?"

"NEVER tell Ianto I cheated on him."


	33. Only in Torchwood

**Title**: Only In Torchwood  
**Author**: **iantojjackh**  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Characters**: The whole team  
**Warnings**: Might be slightly crackish  
**Summary**: Just another day of shenanigans  
**Notes**: written for **tw100**: Challenge 256 Freaky Friday. (Aka body swap) Don't ask. 2nd piece and another is yet to come

* * *

_**Only in Torchwood**_

Owen and Tosh froze when they entered and saw Ianto perched on the railing in one of the higher areas of the hub. His arms, stretched out and it looked like he wanted to jump.

"Jack, what are you doing?" Owen asked perplexed. It looked as if the captain was trying to coax his lover down with a bar of dark chocolate.

"Don't ask," Jack didn't break his gaze from the figure that wanted to take flight. "Come on, girl. I've got your favourite."

A squawk was heard from Myfanfy's lair, quickly followed by Welsh cursing. "Jack, he bit me."


	34. How Naked Hide and Seek Went Very Wrong

**Title**: How Naked Hide and Seek Went Very Wrong  
**Author**: **iantojjackh**  
**Characters**: Ianto/Jack  
**Summary**: Title says it all  
**Rating**: mild R  
**Beta**: **tardisjournal** was a life saver in helping me get this down to 100 words. Thanks again!  
**Notes**: written for **tw100** challenge 256: Freaky Friday. Prequel to Body Swap Shenanigans. A number of you asked how naked hide and seek went so wrong, here's the answer. Sorry it took so long.

* * *

_**How Naked Hide and Seek Went Very Wrong**_

"Gotcha!" Jack laughed, pinning Ianto against Tosh's desk. "You weren't trying," his lips grazed Ianto's.

"Well…" Ianto grinned. "I hid. Admittedly, not that well, and you found me." He pulled Jack's head toward him.

"Hmm," Jack moaned as their mouths melted together. He lifted Ianto onto the desk.

"Ow," Ianto flinched as he bumped something cold. His eyes went wide with shock—suddenly he was looking at himself.

"Crap!" Jack echoed, as he looked into his own eyes. "Screw it," he shrugged and picked up where they'd left off.

The fun lasted an hour or so before it got creepy.


	35. Lend Me Your Strength

**Title**: Lend Me Your Strength  
**Author**: **iantojjackh**  
**Summary**: Too proud to vocalize the agony he is in  
**Characters**: Jack, Ianto and Owen  
**Rating**: T for teen  
**Notes**: Written for the **comment_fic** prompt 'holding hands' it was supposed to be 100 words but it went a little over

* * *

**_Lend Me Your Strength_**

It's been a long day with one close call too many. Owen is stitching up a Weevil bite to Ianto's side and the morphine is having no effect.

The pain is clearly etched on Ianto's face and he is too proud to vocalize the agony he is in. Ianto has bit so hard on his lip that a trickle of blood has run down to his chin.

Jack silently slips his hand into Ianto's, trying to lend some of his strength. "You don't have to be so strong," he whispered, stroking back the sweat soaked strands of hair.

Ianto buried his face into Jack's shoulder, choking out a strangled sob and tightening the grip on Jack's hand.


	36. The Impossible Choice

**Title**: The Impossible Choice  
**Author**: **iantojjackh**  
**Characters**: Jack Harkness  
**Summary**: Jack is faced with an impossible choice.  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Notes**: Written for **tw100** Challenge 257: Between The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. Just getting back to reality. I wrote this a few days ago while on vacation, but the resort wifi blocked . So now that I'm home I can post this. Please leave a review. Thank you to all those who shave favourited, commented or read these one shots.

* * *

**_The Impossible Choice_**

Millions of children or one? The one being your own grandson. It is not a choice that should be made even under the best of circumstances, but with his heart and soul gone Jack allows himself to think the unthinkable.

There are no other children around to allow the plan to work. He has to make the impossible choice despite the protests of his daughter. If Ianto was still alive, Jack knows he would come up with another plan and not damn him to hell when it comes time to meet his maker.

Damned if you do. Damned if you don't.


	37. Premonition

**Title**: Premonition

**Author**: **iantojjackh**

**Summary**: Jack reached out for the ghostly apparition

**Characters**: Jack/Ianto

**Rating**: PG-13

**Notes**: Written for **tw100** challenge 258: Ghost of a Chance. Howling wind and sirens are keeping me up, but at least I made it through the worst of the storm. So any craziness, blame on over-tiredness and frayed nerves.

* * *

**_Premonition_**

Jack reached out for the ghostly apparition and choked back a sob when his hand passed through.

"Why?" Jack challenged the transparent image of Ianto.

The ghostly figure did not say a word. Whereas the corporeal body couldn't touch the non-corporeal, it wasn't true for the reverse.

Jack shivered as the ghostly hands pushed him down on the bed and gave an otherworldly kiss.

"Don't go," Jack cried as the ghost faded away, leaving him feeling empty.

"Ianto?" Tears tracked down his despondent face.

"Yes?" Ianto poked his head down the bunker. "I've got a report of a possible hitchhiker..."


	38. Laughing on the Floor

**Title**: Laughing on the Floor  
**Author**: **iantojjackh**  
**Summary**: Jack likes to tell stories  
**Rating**: G  
**Characters**: Ianto/Jack  
**Notes**: Written for **tw100** challenge 259: Queues

* * *

**_Laughing on the Floor_**

"There used to be lines upon lines of people who would wait days to just to get a glimpse of me and this body," Jack stood up and motioned toward himself.

Ianto glared and rolled his eyes. "You've told this story already. Several times in fact." He looked around to see if there were any lines and found none. "There aren't any lines now," he said with smug satisfaction.

"I don't show off like that anymore," Jack pouted and crossed his arms over his chest.

There was no dignified answer Ianto could give besides rolling on the floor laughing.


	39. Strawberries and Cream

**Titles**: Strawberries and Cream  
**Author**: **iantojjackh**  
**Rating**: PG  
**Characters**: Gwen, Jack and Ianto  
**Summary**: Gwen watches and reflects on Jack and Ianto  
**Spoilers/Warnings**: Some mild Gwen bashing and food not being used for its intended purpose.  
**Notes**: Written for **tw100** challenge 260: Odd Couples

* * *

**_Strawberries and Cream_**

Gwen watched from the catwalks as Jack and Ianto laughed and fed each other strawberries with whipped cream.

Gwen scowled as she watched Jack put a dollop of cream on the tip of Ianto's nose and slowly and seductively lick it off. Her scowl became permanent when she watched Jack mouth the words 'I love you' and said scowl became uglier when Ianto returned the sentiment.

The odd couple never made sense to Gwen. They were nothing alike and yet fit so perfectly together. She was more like Jack and knew it should be her on that couch with him.


	40. Magnetic Personality

**Title**: Magnetic Personality  
**Author**:  
**Characters**: Jack, Ianto and Owen  
**Summary**: The ass needs to come with a warning label: Careful- Has own gravitational pull  
**Rating**: PG  
**Notes**: Written for : Challenge 260: Odd Couples. An installment in the early days of "Hub Wars". This takes place pre-series. You should also check out and her own "Hub Wars" series.

* * *

**_Magnetic Personality_**

"Sir, why are you touching my ass?" Ianto asked when Jack's hand cupped his backside.

"I didn't mean to. My wriststrap is stuck," Jack replied. The more Jack struggled, the tighter his hold became.

"But that doesn't explain you **GRABBING MY ASS!**" Ianto's voice echoed through the hub. As he tried to break free of his new boss' harassing hand, Ianto could hear Owen snickering.

Owen chuckled as the men struggled to separate. Some metallic objects were supposed to attach to Ianto's backside, but he never expected Jack's wriststrap to be one. This was much more amusing. "Such an oddly cute couple they make."


	41. Maybe This Year

**Title**: Maybe This Year

**Author**: **iantojjackh**

**Summary**: A new year always brings a new hope.

**Character**: Now that will ruin things

**Rating**: PG

**Warning**: Angst

**Notes**: Written for **tw100** challenge 263: Maybe this year. This was also a little experiment trying out a different writing style. My brain does funny things when not full awake at 7 in the morning. I know I've been neglectful in posting everything else I've written in my livejournal here, but this site has onto been very friendly lately.

* * *

**_Maybe This Year_**

Maybe this year will be different.

Maybe this year I can make it back to him.

Maybe this year he will realise I'm not dead.

Maybe this year the psycho insisting on calling me Eye Candy will let me go.

Maybe this year I'll no longer be a pawn in a twisted revenge plot.

Maybe this year the aforementioned psycho will come to terms that I'm the one Jack loves.

Maybe this year...who am I kidding? It's been five years. No one is coming.

Who looks for a dead man?

All I have left are these 'Maybe this years'.


	42. We're A Happy Family

**_A/N: _**Written for tw100 prompt: .

**_We're A Happy Family_**

It was just as predicted but no sane person believed them. The twenty-first day of December of the year 2012 and the world was really coming to an end and there was nothing Torchwood could do.

The one responsible for the end of days had been around for many years and was once beloved by young kids. Once its popularity began to diminish, it was time to make the world suffer.

"I love you...you should still fucking love me..."

"I still love you." Tears rolled down Ianto's face as the world was turned purple and green and life snuffed out.


	43. Of Chestnuts and Jack Frost

**Title**: Of Chestnuts and Jack Frost  
**Author**: Iantojjackh  
**Summary**: Jack misunderstands lyrics to a popular Christmas carol...or oes he  
**Rating**: R-ish  
**Characters**: Jack/Ianto  
**Notes**: Written for tw100 challenge 264: Holiday Food.

* * *

**_Of Chestnuts and Jack Frost_**

Ianto woke to something tickling his nose and he tried swatted it away with his hand, but he felt Jack's nip at his nose. "Seriously, Jack? It's too early," he groaned with a mix of pleasure and displeasure when he felt balls rub against his chest.

"I thought I'd try this instead. An open fire is too dangerous in bed," Jack looked perplexed.

"What are you talking about?" Ianto's eyes flew open.

"That song about chestnuts and me nipping at your nose."

Ianto sighed loudly and shook his head, "You realise chestnuts are a nut you eat? Not your nuts on my chest."


	44. Rock Bottom

**Title**: Rock Bottom  
**Author**: **iantojjackh**  
**Summary**: Below rock bottom is what Jack's life has become  
**Rating**: PG  
Characters: Jack  
**Warnings**: AUish Drabble  
**Notes**: Written for **tw100** challenge 267: Starting over.

* * *

**_Rock Bottom_**

Below rock bottom was the perfect example of the state of Jack's life. Having your heart and soul die in your arms makes one a hollow shell of their former existence. No amount of running could ever fill the bottomless void.

There is only one escape from the eternal agony; a new start. A new start without any memories. It takes a lot of Retcon to forget centuries of memories.

When one day a sexy Welshman with a hypotonic voice runs to Jack and hugs him tight, saying a doctor saved him, Jack thinks the man is crazy.

"Doctor who?"


	45. Fallen Snowflake

**Title**: A Fallen Snowflake  
**Author**: **iantojjackh**  
**Summary**: Two Jacks meet in a bar  
**Character**: Jack and Jack  
**Warnings**: maybe some angst  
**Notes**: **tw100**challenge 270: Snowflake. The first one was smut now comes the angst. I don't own any of the things here. Not even the poem referenced and I have no idea where it came from

* * *

**_A Fallen Snowflake_**

Two Jacks from different worlds stand face to face, the years showing differently on each.

One, sad and full of loss. The other, happy and full of life.

"What do you call him?" Sad Jack asks.

"Snowflake." The other replies. "It's from a poem, but he hates the name."

_Their presence comforting and ever true.  
Their love is forever resilient.  
They are always one of your chosen few._

"I know it. Fits my Ianto too." He forces a smile.

_They are temporary and disappear.  
Their absence is felt in memory aches  
Of a dear one you had come to revere._


	46. Premature Ejection

**Title**: Premature Ejection  
**Author**: **iantojjackh**  
**Summary**: Jack's panicked and Ianto's amused  
**Characters**: Ianto and Jack  
**Warnings**: possible choking hazard. Exercise caution while drinking or eating while reading this fic.  
**Rating**: R  
**Notes**: Written for **tw100** challenge: jump the gun

* * *

** _Premature Ejection_ **

"It's okay. It happens sometimes," Ianto tried to say as diplomatically as possible, flopping back onto the bed. His face showed the frustration that his voice didn't.

"Not to me." Jack snapped as he looked at his limp manhood. This was not supposed to happen to Captain Jack Harkness and nothing he did could coax it back to life. It just hung there, flaccid like a wet noodle.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Jack was panic stricken.

"What do you want me to say?" Ianto replied and tried to reawaken Jack's member. "Nope, still asleep."

"Don't laugh!" Jack pouted.


	47. Monsters Are We

**Title**: Monsters Are We  
**Author**: iantojjackh  
**Summary**: We all have a little bit of monster in us...at least in art  
**Rating**: G  
**Characters**: Team Torchwood  
**Spoilers/Warnings: **none at all  
Notes: written for tw100 challenge 281: Lepidoptera. Who knows when the next challenge will be put up, so enjoy this next installment.

* * *

**_Monsters Are We_**

_Jack= Godzilla  
Owen= King Kong  
Tosh= Cthulhu  
Myfanwy= Rodan  
Gwen= Bride of Frankenstein  
Ianto= Mothra_

"He has too much time on his hands. Can't you find something else for Ianto to do? I don't look like King Kong."

"And I'm not the Bride of Frankenstein."

Jack felt like the teacher and two of his pupils were ratting out the teacher's pet.

"But I make a fetching Godzilla," Jack shuffled through the six drawings with their faces on each monster. "Unless either of you want to put shifts in at tourist office then Ianto is free to draw what he wants."


End file.
